i try words that are never enough to explain, but theres something still that always remains. 2,000 years of promises finally falling lightly around me. i ache for you to fill me complete. i need you to move through me, quietly and fiercely. my own strength gives way, only yours can replace. i could never forget, I'm alive in your grace.
this past week was pretty tough. life just shows up sometimes and you have to throw up your hands, cry a little, pray a lot, and keep on walking straight through. but if only it were that easy. sure it sounds wonderful and simple, because it is, but simple things prove to be harder to pull off. this week one of my friends mom died. the hardest part of all of it was that i set up a time to go see her as she was getting worse. but as i set up the time for a few days later, she passed away quietly the next morning. and im ashamed that my first thought was 'no! i was supposed to see her! i was supposed to hug her one more time. i wanted to tell her i loved her one more time.' the thoughts quickly transferred to relief as i remembered how much she was hurting all these years. but i slipped. my focus shifted. i was distracted for a moment. and fools came rushing in. letting go of mary ann should not have been that hard. i should not have been so vulnerable and belly up to the lies that came all too quickly. death is hard, dont get me wrong, but i wish you couldve seen my soul this week. it was a disastrous wreck. i felt waves of inadequacy mainly, but it grew into a monster with many heads. one of those heads was my past and a fear of not being loved because of that past. even seeing it now i want to laugh for how silly it all sounds. and how did it get there?! i can just see my father god chuckling, shaking his head, saying 'oh my child, hush. you know thats not true.' the best part of spiritual warfare is when god whispers to you and you know without a shred of doubt that you cant lose. oh how its making my heart glow right now. there are some unbelievable things happening with him through his people, and i want to be able to perceive them. just gently reminding myself of his simple truth and promise.
2 corinthians 1:3-11
